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  “You’ve got to come over at once, sir! Something terrible’s happening in the hall of eggs!”

  “You’re putting in too many people!”

  “Well? What’s your excuse this time?”

  “And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings.”

  “Too bad—the kid had talent.”

  “I’m afraid you got the wrong Martin Barker.”

  “The place has sure changed!”

  “So, did you hear about all the excitement?”

  “Look—who needs you?”

  “Please, George … not here!”

  “I thought I was in particularly good form!”

  “And every day it’s costing more and more!”

  GANAN WILSON

  Gahan Wilson is descended from P. T. Barnum and William Jennings Bryan, which may explain quite a bit about his sense of humor. He was officially born dead, which also probably has something to do with it.

  Gahan Wilson’s cartoons have appeared in Playboy, The New Yorker, Weird Tales, Gourmet, Punch, Paris Match, and The National Lampoon. Fifteen compilations of his work have been published. Still Weird, a career-spanning collection, includes over one hundred new cartoons plus more than three hundred cartoons selected from earlier volumes.

  Wilson has written and illustrated children’s books, including The Bang Bang Family, a picture book, and two Harry, the Fat Bear Spy adventures.

  For adults, Wilson has written two mystery novels, Eddy Deco’s Last Caper and Everybody’s Favorite Duck, and a number of horror short stories, which have appeared in Playboy, Omni, The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, and numerous anthologies.

  Recent projects include graphic novels based on the works of Ambrose Bierce and Edgar Allan Poe, a set of trading cards featuring Wilson’s demonic baseball players, and his first animated work, a cartoon short, “Gahan Wilson’s Diner,” released by 20th Century–Fox.

  Wilson is presently working on a feature film for Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment, a TV special for Disney, and an animated sitcom for Universal Pictures.

  This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

  STILL WEIRD

  Copyright © 1994 by Gahan Wilson

  All rights reserved.

  Some of the material in this book has appeared previously in one or more of the following publications: “… and then well get him!”, Gahan Wilson’s America, Gahan Wilson’s Cracked Cosmos, Gahan Wilson’s Graveside Manner, I Paint What I See, Is Nothing Sacred?, The Man in the Cannibal Pot, Playboy’s Gahan Wilson, The Weird World of Gahan Wilson, Playboy, and The New Yorker.

  A Forge Book

  Published by Tom Doherty Associates, Inc.

  175 Fifth Avenue

  New York, N.Y. 10010

  First edition: December 1994

  eISBN 9781466870536

  First eBook edition: March 2014